Thursday, November 06, 2003 :::
 
Once I come again to you from another location, mentally emotionally and physically and level of understanding through spiritual life...I am residing in Oswego Illinois I have been here two weeks now and I am finding that I am stronger and standing in my power of who I am and who I am becoming. Many insights have come and taken roost in the crows nest. Finding other strengths I had however, never allow to come to my life in the forefront. Taking seed and making a life that is in harmonic accordance...This is where I am at...

::: posted by Sarah at 11:08 AM

Thursday, October 02, 2003 :::
 
i am such aliar i am back, having gone through the tunnel of slef ception and not living in the now, forcing myself to the future losing sight of today and when the future was not panning out as i had planned it to, i wa left with the now, and had no clue in how to handle the now. Coming to terms and a grip with it, as i sit in my livingroom having brought the computer in here as the phone connection is mud fuddled in there...not a comforable postion to be in right side twisted in a cahir and well ,n never mind on thatr, listening to Boib Dylan,,,to make you fell my love...

::: posted by Sarah at 10:37 AM

Friday, September 12, 2003 :::
 
I sit here at my computer this morning reading about a man that has crossed over to the otherside.
The man in black. I read through the paragraphs of his life and career. I once again find a kinship with him for what he has stood for all these years. During this time of reading about Johnny Cash. I feel my Grandmother Issa Mae near me.
All those old lessons form the past about life and struggles and ho one can stand tall and do that which they desire if they believe. If they set out their intentions to the Universe.
As my mind and heart wondered on this journey of the teachings of my grandmother. The Moment was broken when reddish spider dropped form now where and there it was hanging from a thin thread in front of me about 6 inches in front of my face. The two front legs out stretched as if wanting to hug me in my journey of the pain and oppression of many in this life we live.
She suspended herself there for a while and once again I could the teachings. The information was coming so fast...so fast. She then begin her ascension up the fine thread. I was left sitting there thinking about the messages.
There is a picture of my love and I on this computer monitor. The red spider came down again and then landed on this picture walked around it. Then jumped to the desk and walked towards the picture of my daughters and I sitting next to the computer. Directly in front of me is one of those white erase boards that I use for healing requests. The spider made her walk over to that board and climbed up and touched the board.
Directly under that is the floppies for my other two books. One being the Spider and hummingbird. it is here that she has now spun a web and is sitting there observing me as I type this message.
The red spider is now weaving a web by the healing board.
Many people are afraid of spiders and I am at times also fearful of them. Having been bit by two poisonous spiders in my life. One sending me to the hospital in 1989 in Florida and last fall I was bit by a brown recluse. I was blessed when bit by this spider that I did not have the ulceration go so far as some.
I knew that the spider had come to give over her medicine to me and it was me who had to decide what I was going to do with it. Was I to lock myself into fear and fearful of the future? OR was I to take the power of the spider to spin the web in my life, my fate to take hold of it and spin a web that would benefit not only myself but those who I come into contact with.
The doc put me on antibiotics. I then did my thing about the healing and accepting of the medicine.
I went out side and offered tobacco to the spirit of the spider asking that I weave my web in a good way. That I do this in way of love, integrity.
So this morning as I read the headlines about the Man in Black. Grandmother spider shows up.
Her question to me is what is your life calling? What is the center of your life? As she came to show me the important issues in my life and the people of my life, Rob and my daughters Tiffany and Christina and that white board for healing.
Of the late I have been real intense on bombarding my friends of the Internet with prayer requests. I have seen so much healing happen when others take a moment to mention from their heart or even their head another person in need of healing, whether it be drugs/alcohol. Physically healing. I have witnessed it.
I have personally witnessed back in 1998 when I had my sledding accident. How all my friends and healing community pulled together to pray for me. And how I had been told that I may never walk again. And well as for those how know me, they know that I do walk I even run sometimes.
So where is this article going? Back to the Man in Black Johnny Cash.
Taking a long look at this society and seeing all the pain and suffering that is all around.
Is there any reason why this is happening? With all the technology we have these days? We have people starving in the streets, people in need of medical help. People being ridiculed over their beliefs. Why is this happening?
There has been speculation that this has to do with prayer being taken out of school. There is also speculation that we as human and souls have lost touch with what is really real in our lives.
Family values, unity and fellowship.
How long will we continue to ignore the needs of the people in this world? The need for prayer? The nee for fellowship?

::: posted by Sarah at 8:57 AM

Thursday, September 11, 2003 :::
 
Slept through the night, woke at well jsut before 8 am and made myselkf stay in bed till 8. Woke with one side of nose clogged. ANd what seems to be the start of a sinus headache.
Got my horoschope in the email and it says I will find love at first sight today and that i am to look my best today when i go out. I have been going back and forth about coloring my hair. For some reason it is not the gray that bothers me just wnating some change to happen. Had thought of lightening it or even streaking it. But then think I will put the color on it that i have been over the years just will not leave it on so long. I have a long to do list for the next two days. Plus then I am traveling to Robs to stay friday night then travel into work. No messages from Rob this monring although ind of thought i would not have any as he took his brother to the airport he is going to texas to do some contract work for about 2 weeks.. Spoke with both of my daughters yesterday and had long conversation with Tiffany about pregnancy and that she should take care of herself, maybe by letting go of the job she says it is stressing her out the work and how some of the employees including the owners son treats the dogs at the daycare. The woner doe snot seem to mind that her son has and is abusing the dogs some more than others. ANd as I know Tiffany who is like me concerning animals this will really trouble her. I send out prayers for tiffany to listen to soe of the advice i offered to her last night. It is funny Nick said he had wished they had moved in with me in the farm house when i had asked them to so they could save money. He now sees where I was right and oh well. I told Tiffany I siad honey I only make suggestions that I feel will help you guys out it would be nice if you could find it within you to respect me in my nowledge of life and how things can work better for you. She said yeah I know mom.. Kids!
I have been stenciling bamboo on the kitchen cabintets. Will also put some japaneese language about love an denergy on the cabinets too. Have to go to walmart and make copy of pic of Rob and I that Cyn took at Wompila the pic turned out good. Will frame it for Rob and give it to him this friday as a pre-birthday thing.will close for now and answer some emails then get to what i have on my list...

::: posted by Sarah at 9:24 AM

Wednesday, September 10, 2003 :::
 
Today is the full harvest moon, I plan to do ceremony here tonight. had hoped that Rob would ocme and join me but it seems he is not interested in making the dirve especailly since i am going ot be up in that area this weekend. I guess i understand his reason and i must accept he is not like me nor doe she understands the ebbs ad flows of the energy of the universe although sometimes it would be nice if he did and we could work together on the same page and thought processes.
Rob's birthday is the 20th. He plans on coming down here so he says ont he 19th. I have bought him some flannel sleep pants with tony the tiger on them. And I am also considering getting another tattoo when the money frees it self. want a ring tatooed on my left ring finger, no intials or anything liek that. Sort of a total imbedded commitment to Creator about love allowing love into my life.
I reallu wish that Rob would tkae my advice when concerning his court case, there are areas in life that he does not listen to me and this bothers me in this way he is much like Gary and Ted.
So what is the lesson here. I use to be so independent and now i think about ROb and miss him wach day. Although I have noticed this last week when seeing him it was not as intense but then again i was on heavy duty steroids too. I am finally off of them as of today.
Cynthia snet picture she had taken at Wompila of Rob and I and it is a good pic. I am going ot ake it to walmart and get it blwon up and frame it i also emailed june and asked er to ask marie to send me the hard copy picture of rob and I from sundance so i can make copy of it and frame and give it to rob for his birthday. that picuture ireally nice.well i suppose i best get dressed and head to the doctor...

::: posted by Sarah at 8:23 AM

 
as always things happen rather rapidly in my life, as they also do in others. My dreams were troubling last night dreamt that planes were crashinginto home sna etc and also I had a black eye, my left eye was black yellow and green. Today Rob talks to his attorney about court and entering a plea bargain.
I am growing stressed at all this with him and court. He does not wnat me to be there by his side and this unsettles me.
I worked in Indy this weekend, came home to find a plant dumped in my floor and then when going ot bed to dsicover one of the cats pissed on my quilt on my bed. Not sure which one it was. I was so so mad, I am ready to tae them all to the shlepter.
I have my doc appt today about the mass the pain is gone and the mass has gone down so this is all good. Will wait till i have insurance in november and get a mammogram done. Doc seems to think i will be ok to wait that long. so will see what she has to say today.
Rob wants me to come up by him friday night and stay..having hard time leaving the animals so long and with them getting into so much stuff i know they do it cause they miss me and are pissed i am gone. NOt sure jsut yet what to do about this. And my mother would like for me to tak back sapphire and i am having a hard tim eover this. To leave her here for days outside although Rob said he would make a shleter for her and alos watere and feeder i feel tha her life is better quality staying with them for now. So will call her later today and tell her that. I do wnat sapphre back but working and being gone over 3 days is not fair to her.

::: posted by Sarah at 8:15 AM

Friday, August 29, 2003 :::
 
Just in 24 hours my life direction has changed in some areas odf my life, i had planned to move in with aperson a woman to help me with the bills, then yesterday i had an anxiety attack and realized that this was a not a good thing, So I reside to stay here another 6 months through this winter.
However, the thought of moving did get me to begin clearing through somestuff i had accumulated. Then i did some reaarraning, well, the trailer is still in disaray..and i got the fancy notion to put my betta in a bootle with a plant and thought i had it secure between plants on my plant table however, i came to find out this morning that my cat Petra got to it and ate jasper for a snack...today i a working till 3 this is good i am getting some hours to work. All is looking good so far...will close for now

::: posted by Sarah at 8:08 AM

Thursday, August 28, 2003 :::
 
Thoughts rambling through my head, as my head sounds off recoil of those thoughts, manifesting it into a headache and neck ache, what is it that I am attempting to will my way? Waht is it that I am workign so hard towards and feel as though I am banging my head so hard that there is constant thunder about?
Many changes in my life are happening. I have started a new career in some sorts of the word. I have shifted from ill people, mainly old pre-hospice to developmentally disabled people. WEll, one client i am with 72 hours straight each wekk. I live in that home, give care and do not sleep much. The client is said to be mildly retarded with Autism and with no verbal ability. He also is rather manipulative and has a mean like streak in him. Thinking I have him peg will see what happens. I am still working a few hours at my other job here where i live. I actually got more hours yesterday, as they had been only giving me 5 hours spread out between 3 days. Has given thought to giving total notice i would be leaving come next week, then they called with 4 more hours yesterday for me to work. Financially right now I am really really tight, will nto be getting any pay for about two weeks and the omney i have needs to be paid towards bills, however, must save enough for gas for the next two weeks.
And on top of all of this I am moving in with a woman a 2 bedroom house, have my reservations about this, well i have been told she is a thief in all the sens eof the word. So thinking I will portion out my good stuff to people to either babysit or jsut give to them. Once i get in there my bills wil lbe cut more than in half heck the rent and utiliies split will be less than i pay for rent here. I had to give up my dog to my Mother and father and I am so grateful that they took her. Now looking for a homes for my other two cats, do not want to part with them. However, do not trust this person to be nice or not let them out while i am working those days in Indy. I want to trust this woman, however her own family warn me of her, however , in the same breath they say this is a good choice for me to move in with her? Seems strange.
I have so much to do here and once again i have to go through mystuff and condense my belongings to what is really important. Wow that will be a good one. thinking i will put together all the kids stuff from their artwork and contain that in a rubber maid that Rob will bring ing me. then i have these animal enclopedias. I think I will give them to tiffay although she says she well when i was moving ssaid she did not want them. I figure if I give her the small book shlef then maybe... oh so much to do....so i will owrk a total of 1 1/2 hours today then come home and star the task of packing and clearing out stuff, there are some things I can take over to the house where i will be living. I also have to paint the bedroom that is oging to be mine and also Rob's when he comes to stay. Although thinking since i work the weekends he will nto be down as often as I will begin to stay by him on friday nights or tuesday nights. He is coming tomorrow and staying till sunday morning then home to be with his boys. Had hoped he would change it and stay till monday. But hinking this will not happen. I sometimes wonder if I am being played by him, he makes comments that he si going to do this and do that, and for some reason i think another thing will come in the way..i have to get pass this so tha i do not bring that on. We had talked about marriage, now that is not spoken of almost taboo, not sure what is happening with that. Myab ehis fear of getting burnt not sure..but knowing he wants to have the perfect house before we do that, and i think that dream or thoughts is really out there considering all that has to happen, then i am reminded well if this man is your soul mate then no biggie on the time frame you have now found each other, no big hurry...yeah right dealing with human nemotions on a spiritual level, wow that is interesting in that. Seems my circle of friends is being more and more scattered about. recently a good friend of mine moved to tennessee and great move for her very good move she has a tteaching position and also in grad school, also has a love squeeze who ravels great distance to her...all is good for her and i know she is going through alot with her son in the military and all and her other daughter being who she is difficualt at times, then she has here little Angel that keeps her full of surprise and wonderment...what a blessing..
i think of my other firends back in illinios it seems the ones i thought would fade have grown stronger and the ones i thought who valued my/our firendship is waning, imagiane that? well looking at the time i must get going and get ready for my work will in the future unload some more less or more insightful thoughts that ramble in side this mind of mine...

::: posted by Sarah at 8:20 AM